Dear Malachi

Dear Malachi, Thank you for coming home for Thanksgiving. It was so good to see you. Your father also said it was good to see you.

Mom- It was good to see you too. BTW, in texts you don’t have to write ‘Dear so-and-so’.

 Dear Malachi. I forgot to mention that I think your father is hurt that you did not tell him that you love him in the birthday card you sent him. And for next year’s card, remember his birthday is October 16, not November 16.

 Thanks for the birthday info. I’m sure I signed the card, ‘Love, Me.‘

Dear Malachi, You know your father can be very particular sometimes. He told me you signed the card, “Love me.” That, he said, is very different from “Love, Me.” But I would not say anything to him about when you see him next time. By the way, what does BTW mean?

Are you positive? I thought I signed it “Love-comma-Me.” By the way, BTW means ‘by the way.’

Dear Malachi, Well, maybe you did sign it like you said. I did not actually see the card. You know he usually pays close attention to details like that. But he put the card in his dresser drawer. The left hand drawer, which you know he does not want anyone to go into. BTW, please don’t tell him you know about it.

The drawer?

Dear Malachi, No, dear, the card and what I told you he said about it. I told him maybe you thought the “Love me” was funny. You know he doesn’t always get your humor.

I wasn’t trying to be funny. But I do know about the drawer. You told me about it when you told me that he puts those letters from that George Foreman company thanking him for submitting his ideas like for the solar-powered robotic pulley system to bring the toilet paper and toothpaste up from the basement when ur in the bathroom and u run out, thanking him but due to the number of submissions they are not what they are looking for at this time and wishing him luck in his future endeavors, etc.

Dear Malachi, My goodness. I don’t remember telling you about those letters. He would be very upset with me, both of us really, if he knew we knew about that. BTW, what is ur? But don’t tell me if it is something you think I would not want to hear. And I will let you know, Mr. Wiseacre, World Patent Marketing, Inc. was very interested in the Potty Pulley until the FBI thing and they went out of business.

OMG! I won’t say anything (ur=you are) BTW what happened to Alice’s Restaurant this year?

Dear Malachi, Tx. Your sister Iris told me “Tx” means Thanks. She was sorry she could not be home again this year. She said she would do everything she and Marcy could to come next year. Your father thought that Alice’s Restaurant might be a bit too subversive. He says that with surveillance and all you never know who can hear things unless you keep your cell phone in the refrigerator and he refuses to do that when we have company. Malachi dear, you know your father loves you, just as I do but it is hard for him to say things like that. Lord knows.

LMAO. It’s supposed to be subversive. I know he does. Please give him a kiss for me. I have a class in ten min. I think Thx is ‘thanks.’ TX is Texas.

Dear Malachi, Yes, I will. But if I say the kiss is from you, he’ll ask me how come I did that, and I will have to tell him and then he’ll ask what did you say about him and then IDK how I will answer that without lying. And you know how your father feels about lying. Even the little ones, like how he looks so good in that neon yellow shirt.

Hey, Mom. I have a class now. BTW, I like the way you used IDK

Dear Malachi, Have a good class. Please keep all of this this between us. Don’t even tell your girlfriend, who both your father and I found very lovely. He said so. She was most polite he said. And BTW, she left the spare bedroom just as neat as I had made it up for her. Such a nice girl.

Dear Mom, I won’t say anything about the drawer or the kiss, or lying or anything. I have to go now. Love Me.

Dear Malachi, Ha, ha. I get it. Have a good class. And dear please let us pick you up from the train station next time. Forty-nine ninety-nine on our AARP card is a bit steep for us nowadays.